30 Year Old Mormon Explains He Was Gay Until He Married His Wife; Suggests LDS Church Takes Softer Stance On Homosexuality Than Other Churches

The San Jose Mercury News profiles Joshua, a 30-year-old active Mormon who considered himself gay until he married his wife. He requested his last name be withheld to protect his privacy. A computational linguist who lives in Union City and works in Palo Alto, when asked to describe his marriage, Joshua says “I have been married to a wonderful woman for just over a year. Married life couldn't be better. It is more wonderful than I could ever have imagined. For a long time I didn't think a faithful marriage to a woman would work, but my love for her has eclipsed anything I ever felt for a man. The difference between my sexual attraction for men and for my wife is my sexual attraction for men comes more from my natural desires, where my sexual attraction for my wife has grown out of the love I have for her.” Joshua, who currently is in the Elder’s Quorum Presidency, and attends temple weekly, says that he has “been blessed with same-sex attraction. I don't like saying "struggle." It is a struggle, but so are opposite-sex attractions. Until I hear some straight person say they struggle with opposite sex attractions, I won't say I struggle with same sex attractions. I have had same sex attractions since I was a little kid. I think my same sex attractions have helped me to be a better person, more understanding of people in different situations. I think it has helped me to be more open-minded and compassionate. Ironically, I also think it has strengthened my relationship with my wife. It has made our relationship more honest and open. In sharing my story about same-sex attractions, I have shared some of my deepest feelings with her. This has created a bond I think few couples have. I have been very blessed with same sex attractions.” Joshua suggests that the despite a perception that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is very anti-gay, “the Mormon Church has a much softer stance than most churches. They are just more vocal about it. Opposition by the church is limited to the definition of marriage. We believe the complementary nature of men and women set the ideal standard for child-rearing, and marriage should reflect that. We have viciously defended this standard, but we are OK with people choosing to live and raise children in something other than the ideal. We have a strong belief that everyone has the freedom of choice.” He also says he has “felt enormous opposition from the gay community for getting married to a woman. Many people in my situation don't want to deal with the pressure, and they hide their sexual orientation. If they try to come out, they get accused of not being true to themselves, and are pushed back into the closet. The closet is a horrible, awful place and no one should be forced to be in it. I think the situation would be improved if we worked on common grounds. No one chooses the orientation of their sexual attractions. Everyone chooses their sexual behaviour.” He concludes that “the LDS Church has done more to reach out to its gay members than any other church that teaches same-sex relationships are a sin. There really is no better place to be for someone like me who is attracted to the same sex, and yet is morally opposed to same-sex relationships. The gay community says you aren't being true to yourself, while many conservatives attack you for simply having the attractions. The Mormon Church is one of the few places that has room for me. Not to say there isn't room for improvement. I feel the acceptance is rather forced with a heavy dose of suspicion, but I think it genuinely is acceptance, which the gay community does not offer.”